Thread: Speed wanking competition (ep250)

Hello everyone. I just have to comment an old episode (250 halloween special). Just listened to it the first time and this one thing caught my attention.

An English chap named Joe had written an e-mail on which he said that he had participated and won a speed wanking race on a TV-show called "Banzai" (back in the 90s). He won the race and his time was 1 minute 20 seconds. The guy told that he searched the internet for similar competitions, but could not find any. He then declared that he is the "World Speed Wanking Champion", and that he is to be called "Champ" where ever he goes.

He is not the world champion of speed wanking. In Finland we had a speed wanking competition in 1981, and the winners time was 3.2 seconds! Yes. 3.2 seconds. Heres a proof from a Finnish pornmag called "Kalle". Yes its in Finnish.

Runkkaus sm

I will translate some of the text, because i have nothing better to do and this terrible error needs to be corrected.

"Sperm flew in 3.2 seconds

9 out of 10 contestants showed up.

The results for speed wanking competiton

1. A.Y. time - 3.2 seconds
2. J.V. time - 17 seconds
3. A.R time - 33.5 seconds."

The text in the picture where the happy wankers are posing says "The competition is over, and the contestants are ready to enjoy sauna and swimming".

The story also mentions, that the judges were pleased to see the psychic power and stamina of the contestants. The judges also say that "we all can be happy for the new speed wanking result. It takes a real pro to beat that. Especially if you think about the pressure and excitement that this kind of competition has."

One of the contestant say in the story that celibacy is a necessary preparation for this kind of competition, and if you fuck very much before the race the result will very likely be bad (makes sense). Other wanker says that "if you think dirty you are more likely to get a better result" The semi-naked girls in the photos are described as "decoys" and they were helping the wankers to get on the right mood. One of the guys also tells that he had too many drinks on the night before the competition and that may have cost him the first place.

So there you have it. The fastest wankers come from Finland. That is probably the reason why there is only about 5 million of us Finns. We come the minute we take our pants off. Oh by the way. Lance said in the podcast, that if he needs semen he goes to this English guy. Now you know better Lance. If you need semen you should come to Finland. Too bad you did not know this before your eurotrip.

I rest my case.

Thanks for telling us that Finnish men are wankers. Now we need to know about Finnish women.

Are they tall and blonde like Swedish women?

I heard that Finns are basically Scandinavians who've been infected with Asiatic blood from Attila the Hun. Is there any truth in this?

What's the ratio of hot women to ropey women?

To what degree have you let yourselves be spiritually and genetically corrupted with the poison of multiculturalism?

Did Russians use to give you hot blondes in return for car parts?

Does Finland have an excess of women who are desperate to escape the icy tundraic wastelands for the toasty warmth of a torched car in a British inner city?

Does the artificial insemination of reindeer start with 15-year-old Finnish virgins sucking the sperm out of mature male reindeers' balls?

What's Finland's average ranking in the annual Scandinavian Blonde 'Lezzathon' held under the Northern Lights on Christmas day? (It doesn't matter if Finland isn't really part of Scandinavia.)

Do Finnish mothers initiate their sons into the ways of adulthood the first weekend after finding cum stains in their underpants?

Thanks in advance for your answers.

[QUOTE=Reich;22303]

Originally Posted by Reich

Thanks for telling us that Finnish men are wankers. Now we need to know about Finnish women.

Are they tall and blonde like Swedish women? .

First of all every healthy man in the world is a wanker. We Finns are the fastest wankers because it is so hard to wank when a polar bear is chasing you. You have to hide behind an iceblock, wank really fast, and run like hell. I guess there is as much tall blondes in Finland as in Sweden. The reason you know Swedish blondes, but have not heard about Finnish blondes is this: Most Swedish men are gay (everyone in Finland knows this). Therefore Swedish women have to go somewhere else to get laid. This has brought them this reputation that they have all over the world as gorgeous blondes who are ready to fuck all the time.

I heard that Finns are basically Scandinavians who've been infected with Asiatic blood from Attila the Hun. Is there any truth in this?

Actually Attila the Hun was infected by Finnish blood. The mother of Attila was raped by a drunken Finnish guy who mistakingly thought she was a hot polar bear female.

What's the ratio of hot women to ropey women?

Depends on your blood alcohol level - you should know that!

To what degree have you let yourselves be spiritually and genetically corrupted with the poison of multiculturalism?

Not much yet, but the corruption is increasing every day. The war is on. Dont get me started on this... i could not stop.

Did Russians use to give you hot blondes in return for car parts?

Car parts, pantyhose, bread, rubber bands. There was a time when you could buy yourself a Russian woman with almost anything. Now those bitches want euros.

Does Finland have an excess of women who are desperate to escape the icy tundraic wastelands for the toasty warmth of a torched car in a British inner city?

No. But i heard Swedish women are dying to get there.

Does the artificial insemination of reindeer start with 15-year-old Finnish virgins sucking the sperm out of mature male reindeers' balls?

No. We use Russian or Swedish virgins to do that.

What's Finland's average ranking in the annual Scandinavian Blonde 'Lezzathon' held under the Northern Lights on Christmas day? (It doesn't matter if Finland isn't really part of Scandinavia.)

We do not participate to Lezzathon. We leave that to the swedes.

Do Finnish mothers initiate their sons into the ways of adulthood the first weekend after finding cum stains in their underpants?

You mean when they find cum stains in their diapers? Finnish men are ready to breed the minute when we come out of the womb. We do not need no initiations. If someone however needs education in "the ways of adulthood" we usually hire a Russian prostitute with a bottle of Finlandia Vodka.

Thanks in advance for your answers.

Thank you for showing interest in the ways of the Wanking Finns.

Thanks for your answers. I imagine being more or less sandwiched between Russia and Sweden means that you can't even leave your house without a tidal wave of attractive blondes coming down to almost drown you in a sea of slim thighs.

Originally Posted by Reich

Thanks for your answers. I imagine being more or less sandwiched between Russia and Sweden means that you can't even leave your house without a tidal wave of attractive blondes coming down to almost drown you in a sea of slim thighs.

Tidal wave of blondes... I wish. Sandwiched between a Swedish and a Russian blonde. Oh yeah! That's a nice thought. If only there was something I could do to this premature ejaculation.

Originally Posted by Bester

I know Belgians who went there for Erasmus

Did they find him?

Originally Posted by callmesam

We Finns are the fastest wankers

It's because you're good at Finnishing.

Maybe you should think of moving to Norway they are all wankers to

Originally Posted by Bester

That's a lie! I heard Swedish chicks only put out for Swedish guys. I know Belgians who went there for Erasmus and couldn't get laid in 6 months, not even once!

I know a lot of guys who cant get laid even in six years.

Did they find him?

That is probably the reason they couldn't get laid. They were searching for a guy