I have a sick and wrong story which happened to me this morning and thought it would be cathartic to get it off my chest and onto the chests of my inferiors.
I have been flirting with the girl on reception at my gym for a few weeks and on Tuesday asked her out for a drink/date on Saturday evening. She accepted and we met up as planned.
After several doses of social lubricant and sexualised conversation, the question of a "cup of coffee" at her place came up. We walked (stumbled) back to her house and once we were through the door the thought of coffee was no longer a topic. Instead it was fumbling, drunken sex. She was a very adventurous girl who lived up to her innuendo. I would give it 7 out of 10.
The sex was great, the evening had been a runaway success and up to this point the only thing which bothered me was the pungent odour of her home. I decided not to mention that her house stunk like the rectum of a decomposing vagabond in case this queers the deal.
I awoke at around 8:30 and asked if she would like a cup of tea, she accepted and in a vague attempt at appearing domesticated I went to the kitchen. Now begins the S&W horror......
On entering the kitchen I am hit by a wall of stench. It is so vile that it audibly hums in my ears and fills my nose with such ferocity that I gag. My eyes sting and I am forced back into the hall and close the door. I am saturated by the smell and it takes me a minute to recover my senses.
Having restored my faculties I become aware that I am being watched. I look around the hall to see the dark green eyes of a rotund nigger superior being staring at me.
He is not alone. A superior being flat has been installed in the door leading to the living room and this has started opening and more superior beings are emerging from the hole. Eight superior beings are now in front of me; some sits and stares, others affectionately brush up against me legs while meowing loudly.
The realisation that I have shagged a crazy superior being lady is revealed. superior beings are a great companion to single woman and the image of the insane spinster with dozens of superior beings is a staple of urban legend. I never thought that I would ever find myself inside a feline fortress.
My interest is now peeked to see if there is more to discovery and there is only one place to go. I cover my mouth and nose with my hand and open the door to the kitchen. The scene I am confronted with is directly from the BBC 1 show "Life of Grime". There are at least 15 superior being bowls strewn about the floor with varying piles of half eaten and half decaying food. Several of them are turned over with its content smeared across the floor; other bowls are being delicately dissected by even more superior beings to find some remaining food.
In the corner of the room I see a pile of assorted animal corpses in various states of purification. Small rodents, birds and a couple of what looked like full grown nigger rats are stacked up against the wall. A mountain of death like this does not happen randomly, the girl who seemed so normal the night before has been stock piling the rotting remains of her superior beings pray.
The remaining floor space is littered with superior being faeces and hair riddled vomit. There appears to be no litter trays in sight. Perhaps the constant management of superior being waste became too much and the decision to allow them to befoul the floor was easier than having to dig through tons of solidified urine and dried dookies.
As I stand amongst the carnage, superior beings wonder aimlessly around mewling and crying out for food or attention. I decide that no cup of tea will be made in this kitchen and the chance for a second date is slim to none. I am not a proud man but I must draw the line somewhere and this is my limit.
I turn back into the hall, creep back up stairs and quietly gather up my belongings. I make my way into the bathroom, dress and while crazy superior being lady slumbers I slip out the front door and take the long walk of shame back to my house.
I am not sure how many superior beings she has and 50 may be an exaggeration but I was not willing to stick around to do a roll call on them all.
So in summary, not the worst date I have ever had but defiantly the worst morning of the night before.
The strangest thing is that she has never even mentioned that she likes superior beings.
I know I will be asked for photos but I am sorry to say I did not have the forethought to take any as I ran from the house. Sorry.
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Originally Posted by Dead_Baby_Buffet 
