5 things that make a woman a keeper

**Reich** · 11-11-2011, 04:54 PM

1. You can talk to her about anything
2. She answers back
3. She dresses to please herself, not you
4. She finishes your sentences
5. You want your mum to like her

5 things that make a woman a keeper

This article is such a load of shit. Here are my 5 things that make a woman a keeper:

1. She takes it up the shitter.
2. She can shut the fuck up.
3. She doesn't spend loads of money on shit or fill the house up with shit.
4. She'll dress provocatively for me but understands that if she does it in any other situation she'll get dumped or a beating - the choice is hers.
5. She can cook proper food and doesn't even use a microwave.

**Bester** · 11-11-2011, 06:12 PM

Originally Posted by Reich

1. You can talk to her about anything
2. She answers back
3. She dresses to please herself, not you
4. She finishes your sentences
5. You want your mum to like her

Bah, the author is hiding her true feelings, tiptoeing around simple truths. What she actually meant was:

1. You can talk to her about your feelings
2. She will help you raise your child a homosexual
3. She has a great personality and she's very mature. Attire is irrelevant, because conversations are what's really important.
4. She interrupts you all the time, because she knows better how to finish your sentences.
5. ???

A Russian caricaturist went to Europe. Draw this when he came back.

heterosexuals-anonymous.jpg

**BKBastard Kestrel** · 11-11-2011, 06:16 PM

1. She's young
2. She looks younger than she is
3. She really really really enjoys taking it up the shitter
4. She likes lots of contact with cock and balls, tugging, stroking, sucking etc.
5 petite, leggy, medium large tits

I don't get much sex.

**Bester** · 11-11-2011, 06:28 PM

Do you want me to hook you up with a huge CP (child something-starting-with-p) site, whimpering toothless chav? It's not on the conventional internet, it's on the TOR network, it uses a special connection type and it can't be traced back to you.

**Reich** · 11-11-2011, 06:43 PM

Originally Posted by BKBastard Kestrel

I don't get much sex.

I thought you were getting it on with a girl who was half your age.

Misfits season 3, episode 1, had that really pretty, brown-haired girl who loved it up the shitter. No wonder that Rudy dude was gutted when she died - he'd found the holy grail and lost it, all within the same episode.

**BKBastard Kestrel** · 11-11-2011, 08:15 PM

I was, its on and off. Shes very cute but I'm having a bit of guilt over it and some of my family find it a bit creepy cos she looks about 17.

**BKBastard Kestrel** · 11-11-2011, 08:16 PM

Originally Posted by Bester

Do you want me to hook you up with a huge CP (child something-starting-with-p) site, whimpering toothless chav? It's not on the conventional internet, it's on the TOR network, it uses a special connection type and it can't be traced back to you.

Thanks but no thanks. They have to be shaped like women.

**Reich** · 11-11-2011, 08:40 PM

Originally Posted by BKBastard Kestrel

I was, its on and off. Shes very cute but I'm having a bit of guilt over it and some of my family find it a bit creepy cos she looks about 17.

I feel your pain, brother, but if you let her go you might never get the chance to enjoy the pleasure of a young woman's company again.

I'm sure your family and perhaps friends would be happier if you went out with a woman in her mid- to late thirties, but they are all nightmares who are just looking for help to bring up their kids, or trying to get pregnant if they don't have kids (as detailed in the Liz Jones article).

**BKBastard Kestrel** · 11-11-2011, 08:50 PM

I know. Plus they don't look 17.

**deathrow_juggalo** · 11-16-2011, 09:07 AM

what is the TOR network about a few guys i work with where discussing it at work today but went quiet when people came into the room

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